I don't want to write.

Sometimes,

I have absolutely nothing to say. But as a wise friend and fellow writer told me, "don't stop writing, ever." So I must continue. That is the only way to get better.

My direction will be pertaining to school starting up this week on Tuesday. I'm very excited to see who my classmates are and my professors. Not excited about my new and not as exciting workload. I have to remind myself though that every piece of new information learned is something that I can apply to my writing.

Tomorrow, I am going shopping for a new school outfit. Not that I need one, but, it is still nice to have an excuse.

I am debating on edgy and sexy or hippy and feminine. I know I'll go edgy and sexy. Clothing is my outfit. It says what I wish I could be doing sometimes. I just need to find people who want to do the same things I do.

One thing I need to do is memorize my favorite poem "Bluebird" by Bukowski.

My ex-memorized it for me while we were together and it made me really want to myself. So I could softly whisper the words to myself whenever I wished. For now, I must resort to scribbling it out on my wrist and pretending it is a tattoo.

Sometimes I think I'm too cautious to be a poet. How will my poetry be relatable if I don't do anything to make people feel better about themselves? But then I have to ask myself am I doing this for them or for me? Me, of course.

I also need to join a writers group. I also have interests in writing a novel... mostly because I like the idea of it. I don't really want to sit down and write one. I have nothing I want to say in such full length. I think people talk too much as it is.

I am fully obsessed with drawing and thinking about hearts. Not the little cute hearts that 8-year-old girls scribble on their Valentine cards, but the organ. The muscle that pumps blood through our veins. I'm also interested in getting a bit of the poem, "Bluebird" tattooed on me. I think that would be so neat.

What else can I type about that is of random nature?

Been praying to God a lot really truly getting to know him. Struggling sometimes with the whole thing, but he takes such great care of me... how can I doubt sometimes?

I have a feeling someday God will say, Well done my good and faithful servant.

I also have vowed to stop swearing, completely. As a Christian, I need to stand apart from the crowd, and I honestly feel I do in most areas of my life. The swearing needs to stop because I know for a fact I can be funny without swearing.

Well, that is enough rambling for today. I'm off to listen to proverbs and sleep.