Untitled #9

I wish I had the words to explain

My dissatisfaction

Intellectual allegories,

metaphors,

and symphonies

French phrases

Rich melodies

How much I despise this set up

The failure with everything on my own

If only I could say

Whatever I wanted

Without the aftermath

The angry stares

And judgement

Or if I actually had the guts

to say it to the faces

staring at me

No matter

To the top

To the ladder

Don't stop

Cliche'

Might be this premise

Or how I am angry at the system

That I feed and grow

I still will defeat the normal

Status quo

___

So I put out a glass

Just a normal everyday drinking glass

I went out to the middle of Town square and sat

With this round old glass in my lap

I didn't move

When people spoke

I didn't respond

I waited

If someone was observant enough

To ask

about the glass

My eyes would merely lift and look at them

In the eyes

Stare at the glass again

Unkind words sometimes were spoken

When my answer wasn't clear enough

For them

But, it was all right

I just sat there

The sun drying my comfort away

Beads of sweat rolling down my back

Than, it began to rain

The clouds swelled and veiled the sun

My glass filled with water

It stopped raining

Why your glass is full!

Said those who had noticed

the empty glass before

I stood up

No it is not.

I broke the glass

Now it is.

______

Happy New Years eve.

Untitled #8

Hi, hi there little bird

Bloody little bird

Dripping from your back

Running down my fingers

The pressure that I'm applying

doesn't do much

The shattered broken breaths

Do nothing, but numb my heart

Tighten the veins the lace through

My

lungs

If I just will it, will it to live

The head falls and the neck rests on my

Pointer finger.

My shallow, hollow, empty, sighs

Get quieter

Nothing, but silence can cure this moment.

Though it will break down into dust

Creating life once more

Untitled #7

Nauseated.

Feeling the whirls of boredom

Seeping up into my eyes

Overflowing out of my sockets

And stinging my bare skin

Do you know what it is like?

To be able to touch far away worlds

with your fingertips

Overwhelmed.

Cluttering of metal boxes

Hollow metal boxes that suck

The oxygen from my lungs

So much

I toss them out of my window

They smash car windows

Break pots

People cheer

They are swarming now

Gathering my metal hollow boxes

They are tearing at each other

For my beautiful metal boxes of nothing

Well, here we are.

Aren't we, Mr. Warhol

The time is among us and only twelve minutes left

Nothing ever felt so great, so liberating in fact

Now I know, we could all know

But that'll happen

When everyone realizes

We must burn the storage houses.

Untitled #6

A red flag has been rising.

The sparks flew at dawn.

The finch flies between us.

Carrying messages that we cry.

Mutiny is occurring

I plead that you flee

The noose is prepared

The floor of the dungeon painted red.

He loves you

He says

As he slits your throat

You stare at his eyes

Pleading with your soul

Because you just know

That he acts this way

Because of his childhood

Something like that

Nature versus Nurture

You can't blame him for that

His bare hands tear down your fortress

Right in front of your eyes

While softly cooing to you

Lying with his eyes

You just stare at his eyes

Pleading with your soul

Because you just know

That he acts this way

Because of his childhood

Something like that

Nature versus Nurture

You can't blame him for that

Purple, green, blue

Scars running deep

Going through

Your heart is hanging out

Blood dripping on your chest

Hanging by a last simple thread

He throws dirt at your vulnerability

Laughing at your irises

The tunnel to your truth

You just stare at his eyes

Pleading with your soul

Because you just know

That he acts this way

Because of his childhood

Something like that

Nature versus Nurture

You can't blame him for that

"Love him I mustn't give up

Our dear Lord has told us

Never give up"

Silver is the sword

Heavy is the rock

Sly is the fox

Love is an action

A verb if you will

But it doesn't mean put up with an

abusive strong willed

Son of a sailor

Who eats out your light

Steals what is most precious

Then casually walks out

Out of sight.

You just stare at his eyes

Pleading with your soul

Because you just know

That he acts this way

Because of his childhood

Something like that

Nature versus Nurture

You can't blame him for that.

Untitled #5

Is this line right? This one right here?

Oh OK let us begin in...

5, 4, 3, 2,1 Go.

"Killing is this killer that has decided to enslave the world.

This 'being' is our greatest threat, and biggest concern.

We address you today to tell you that though what you may assume

This killer isn't terrorism, drugs, alcohol, obesity, gang violence, poverty,

dehydration, famine, lust, vice, or anything of that manner.

We spend, oh how we spend.

Supporting this operation hoping it'll commence, and not back fire.

So sign your blank checks, help us with this case.

The benjamin is the only one to change the outcome of the human race."

Rusty is this nail driven into my back.

The lights, and flashing colors are of my natural set.

Rows of numbers are what has driven us to be

The largest consumer,

The savers,

The killers,

And the peaceful wannabes.

Terrorism, on the tip of our tongues

Drugs, they are the killer

Murder 101.

Gluttony spilling out of the mouths

of the ones who take us, drag us,

and strip us before we hit the ground.

Please tell me, whom shall I fear?

Blood dripping on my forehead

No one to take up the slack.

The earth is melting.

Jesus, when are you coming back?

Because the brightest minds,

The wealthiest beings,

And the most inquisitive hearts

Can't seem to see

That the number one killer

Sipping red rum like tea

The only one to blame is you and me.

Humanity, will be the death of thee.

Untitled #4

Your edges are so round, whilst I am so sharp.

I speak to you all the time, are you listening?

I've been speaking to you since the 2nd grade...

Are you really listening?

I tell people a lot about you,

I refer to you every so often in conversation

Still, I don't know who you are

Who are you?

Have you been reading what I say?

I lost a few readers today,

I always do.

This dark appeal of mine

is like an animal unworthy of sacrifice.

Dirty.

So, a lot of people talk about you

Never say your name.

I don't really want to know you

I read, read, and read

Searching, like a poisonous treasure hunt

trying to find the right words to describe you

But, no, I don't want to anymore

I've talked to you for so long,

And, I know nothing about you

I hate you.

Or, Do I love you?

No difference, really

I'll talk to you tomorrow,

Maybe tell someone about you to.

Untitled #3

Guernica, relocate to my mind

it hurts

Though we tried to cover it up

oil paints never dry

______

A garbage disposal

to thin, chop, and toss

my thoughts would drain quite

nice

Untitled #2

We always knew that no matter how loud he would get

The crash in the end would be silent

Painfully clinging to my sheets

Soaking my pillowcase

My eyes remain shut.

He seeps into my bedroom

Slithering through the cracks

Soaking into everything

The walls

The bed

My hair

The books

Floating straight into my lungs

poison

Awakened by my door

opening

Saved

cold

warm dreams

Never realizing how close

the pearly white was

Untitled #1

Here I am.

The sweat, tears, blood, and laughs.

Here I am.

We are building from the top, down.

Taking the biggest aspirations

And, romancing them.

Blistering is the ground.

Sore from the jabs from our shovels.

But we dig.

Here I am.

The pain, debt, loans, and laughs.

Here I am.

You and I.

We shine and glow.

The stars don't know

Sun can't go

Just letting you know

Clouds seem to pass

Make this last

Forever at best

Cupboards hide away

The things we hate

The game we play

Just go away

The universe and I

Holding hands

Flying by

Don't look so dry eyed

The earth and you

have it best

Simple is your existence

Nothing on your shoulders

Or on your chest

A dream I had. (short story I'm working on)

It was a blue, but the oddest blue you'd probably ever see. My hands deemed incapable of keeping my hair from tangling in my heavily mascaraed eyelashes as I walked outside to what seemed the peak of the night. Everything was so, blue. Oh, what? Yes, the tree... The tree was the color of your pupils. Black? No, it was a transparent coloring. Allowing light to flood through while keeping its dark demeanor. We all couldn't help but be dazed by it. Lucid glass bulbs of lingering blue lights look back at us while dangling by thread from the arms of the bare tree. As we're all hypnotized by this haunting scene laid before us a black car drives up. Yes, it is black. So opaque that it seems to scare away all light from bouncing off it. Two figu- beings actually sit inside the car. No faces, no arms, nothing... just black suits and black derby hats. They're sitting in their car waiting, waiting for me? I honestly at that point didn't know. The bulbs illuminate causing a stir in the thick darkness. The doors of the car open and suddenly the beings are standing in front of me. Their arms go into my eyes sockets and things become scratchy, like the fuzzy screen of a television. Suddenly, images are flashing in my mind. All sorts of images grotesque, beautiful, dark and bright. Then, they left. Everything left, and everyone. So I woke up, and I continued living.

______________________

That was my attempt of a short story, well it wasn't really a story because that really was a dream I had but I tried to make it into a more story like form... but it seems more conversational. Oh well, I'll a true short story again next time.

A break

So, I'm taking a break from studying for history and thought I'd make a list of things I want to do for the winter break! I thought by posting it on here it'd make me more accountable. So here we go!

1. Finish all the books I started

2. Actually use my camera

3. Buy some canvases and paint with either acrylics or oil

4. Do some oil pastel work/ sketching

5. Keep my room really clean

6. Keep my car really clean

7. make a LOT of money

8. go to San Antonio for Shwayze & LMFAO!!!

9. See a local indie band

10. Film a horror movie with my friends

Lets see if I can do this!

Wish me luck! :)

When.

Waiting in the den

Fire burning within

So hot, so bright

The lamp is of oil

The flames say goodnight

down go the drapes

the chairs

Laughing, how we laugh

Walking through the flames

I want the fire

Hand me a match

Add gasoline

Make it last

Books, my heart, my eyes

You see?

I need to become

A flame

Burning bridges, I want to burn bridges

Destroy

I want to destroy

My fingers are stretched

my knuckles out of place

Reaching, how we reach

seeking, how we seek

My heat is broke

Chewing on chair legs

Shredding up the plants

Waking up

Waiting, how we wait

I wait.

Alone, is how I wait

I can no longer wait

I must

Closing my eyes again

Letting more flames burn within

Swoosh, out goes the light.

__________________

No one will probably get where I'm coming from in that poem... Unless they're experiencing it right along with me. It's a difficult commitment, and it definitely burns me alive, but I sometimes find I live for that flame.

You know what I'm starting to despise? Owl City. HE ISN'T THAT AWESOME PEOPLE! Yeah, his music is cute, and whatever.... but he's nothing more than a fad running through 106.1 kiss fm (And, other popular radio stations round the globe.) Whoopty diddlefreakindo.

Also, Bukowski you're weird. And, I love it.

warm

Warmth swims through my veins.

Touches my toes.

Causes my eyes to water.

A cold hand as ice pressed to my back.

I don't notice.

Skin moistening hoping to cool.

Tangled, are my legs.

Dizzy.

Lights dance in between my eye lashes.

I don't notice.

Heat emits from my pores.

Rising high and touching the ceiling

The fan turns but there isn't any air.

Head so heavy.

Get up, get up

Fall down.

Cool spot on the bed

Hair tumbles in front of my eyes.

So, exhausted

Hand reaches out for clock

My finger tips barely touch

Defeated

Burrow under the covers

No longer vulnerable

Now, we can skip off

into what we hope was a dream.

You remember the golden rule?

It's alright, go ahead and act like you wish.

The day will come when your action will catch up with you.

When you'll realize all along that you didn't hurt anyone.

You just hurt yourself.

-Me

_____________

One thing in my life that I have increasingly been becoming more and more passionate about is: Being Nice. I'm the hugest advocate of the golden rule, and what Jesus said, love others as you love yourself. (reference Galatians 5:14) Everyone has slip ups, including me. I'm not as nice to my brothers as I could be. But I've become more patient and I have been better. Brent and I rarely fight nowadays. I really do go out of my way to be nice. I tease, but I never push the boundaries or the limits. Because I love it when people playfully tease me, but I HATE it when people use the word 'tease' as a mask for hateful comments.

This has been on my heart for a long time, and has recently rekindled due to the fact someone was REALLY rude and spiteful to me the other day OUT OF THE BLUE. I hadn't contacted this person, and I don't ever comment on their site. I basically leave them alone.

Yet, for some reason unknown to me... They STILL feel it is necessary to be hateful.

I don't understand that! Probably, because, I'm NOT that way. I really truly am not.

And, THEN, what really infuriates me is.... I can't be mean back! I'll mentally plan it in my head, "The NEXT time I see this person ohhhh they're going to wish they'd never crossed roads with me!!!" et cetera et cetera. Then, I'll see them, anddd I'll just be nice.

Not, walk all over me nice. But I won't be spiteful. I just for some reason can't be.

Or, I'll forget to be mean, and hold the grudge.

I'm really bad about not holding grudges. I forgive and forget to easily. Way to easily! Probably, because I assume that people are like me and genuinely don't want to be mean... (which is naive' on my part)

Last night, I just prayed for God to heal my heart, to help me to NOT think about it. Which is SO hard because it was still so fresh in my mind. I talked to my best friend this morning which I feel was a Godsend and it really helped. I've decided I LOVE to be nice, and I'm not going to stop being what God wants me to be because of other people.

In other news, I am still a pessimist but things are getting SO much better. I am really happy right now. *gasp* I have awesome friends, family, job, boss, and I've met someone whose really kick ass! Not a whole lot to complain about at the moment. God has really blessed me, and my obedience to him has really pulled through.

I sometimes get so frustrated because I'm doing the 'right' thing, even when I want to do the wrong thing. But it is paying off, and God is heaping an abundance of blessing on to me.

I thank him SOOO much for making me who I am today. I thank him for every single trial that has sculpted me so I can be strong. I thank him for my love of poetry, art, philosophy, and fashion. I thank him for putting other people on this world with opposing views, and ones with the same as mine.

This 'thank you' is a little late since thanksgiving has passed. But, rather late than never! :)

Lord prepare me.

To be a sanctuary.

Pure and holy.

Tried and True.

(Tried and true)

With Thanksgiving

I'll be a living

Sanctuary

For you.