Charming, aren't we? My dear hypocrite.

Sun dried Barcelona, how quickly

You host my defeat.

I'm a weary love seeker.

My desires passionate and weak.

Whiskey stained are my lips

As I stumble throughout the streets

I am a man of the Lord.

Listen, please listen to me.

Just hold on a moment...

I need a swig of my drink.

My lyre is tuned to the right notes.

Might I seduce you with a ballad

That I half-heartedly wrote.

"It's a lovely fall day

As I'm standing here.

I love you, oh how I love you.

Stay with me my dear.

My sweet rose

I'll shower you with the sun.

My words they weave wonders

They fabricate my love.

Men dare not approach me

With my cast iron tongue.

Weak might be my physique,

But do not underestimate Rum"

Down, deep in Barcelona

My mattress awaits.

Do you have a bedspread?

A couple of sheets?

The taxi fare is no longer half a pence.

Would you happen to be able to spare a few cents?

Oh sweet pumpkin, my beautiful apple pie!

I have plans to smother the world

With the brilliance of my mind.

I only need this loan,

But! It'll be worth the wait.

Wisdom and knowledge?

Oh, for the proud.

I am a meek man

Please pay to venture to my humble abode.

Like honey dripping from my lips

Sweet fermented pleasures

You must bring me this!

Her, oh her!

She's nothing my sweet.

What is the point of the 8th world wonder?

If no one shares in Gods magnifique!

Follow me down this golden street.

I am a man of the word

And, I swear only to you

God promised me, thee!

I want to be glamor, shining brighter than I thought.

It sort of reminds me of glitter.

A soft scattering across the world,

And as hard as you try you can't ever get rid of every piece.

It always ends up showing up

When you thought it was gone.

-Me

__________

So, last night was so much fun! Mary Ellen and I went to Guitar Center and goofed around on the instruments. Then, Alex came to her house and we all walked to River Legacy Park. This started around 9:00 pm. Walking the trails at night is SO freaky, yet oddly exhilarating. I love the night time. There were SO many photo opportunities. I am so mad at myself for not bringing my camera. Anyway, so we are walking along and we go off the trail a bit to stare at the Trinity river (Which looks 'kinda' cool in the dark). I am infatuated with lighting. Chiaroscuro is the most dimension my art will get. Dark colors, I love dark colors. Red, greens, yellows are only good if they're near like colors. I don't want too much contrast. The only contrast I like is black and white. During my lifetime I've become more accepting of other colors, but since I was three years old my favorite color has been the same, black.

wow

So, ignore my previous post. He's alive. He finally answered one of my calls.

Now, he's going to wish he would've died because I'm going to chew him a new one.

Goodnight.

Where I wish I could be, but I'm not.

The second time around turns out to be more surprising.

You'd always assume it'd be the first time.

Assumptions will drive you insane.

Thinking one plus one equals two, every time.

Is there an escape from wondering about your fate?

-Me.

___________________________________________________________________

I really don't know the purpose of this whole blog, or why I'm writing it. I really don't have a whole lot to say. It is as if my creative juices have been drained from me. Usually, when 'traumatic' situations happen I'm flowing with poems. This time is the first time I have been just empty. Mostly it is the fear, the fear of not knowing if this all is true or not. If he's just not answering his phone, or if what he texted me on Thanksgiving was true.

Death

-The world.

I have reasons to believe a friend of mine has committed suicide. I'm no 100% sure though. He's a... how do I say this... not a very close friend in the sense that he's made himself very distant. He was more of a prayer request. Someone I met who has royally screwed up his life. I have never met someone like him. His outlook on life purely based on instant gratification. Pleasure being the killer. He destroyed every close connection, besides with me. As unbearable his attitude, and choice would be. I remained his friend. Why? those are the exact people who really need them. So it would be logical for him to contact me in his last hours... I don't know if it's selfish or not to think, WHY?! Why did you have to let me know? Put that weight upon my heart. Was it necessary? Now, now I'm worried... if I don't receive any contact from him by Tuesday I'm going up to his house to ask his parents. How horrible is it that I have to walk up the walkway, knock on the door, and look straight in the eye of a parent and ask, "Is your son... alive?"

I'm going about my merry way sometimes feeling guilty I'm enjoying life. Which I know is dumb, he chose to end his life.

But the imagery of him laying in the grass eyes peeled constantly staring at the Sun, moon, and stars yet not able to soak it in while every inch of his life drains out from his wrists.

I feel sick.

Sacrifice

In the Valley of Hinnom

Is where you will

Find me.

I saw the brink of the fall

Of humanity.

All in a day,

All in a day

I learned what humanity could be.

Deep, deep in the valley outside the

Holy City.

Oh god, Molech,

Would you spare me?

As I lay in this pit outside of

the Valley.

Pleased is this Artificial

Commodity.

Idolized is this romantic sacrifice.

I learned all about humanity,

Place between the suns.

I learned about humanity.

Gehenna, save me from Gehenna.

Too young I was.

So young, feeble, little,

And unsure.

Are you white as the lamb?

Is the filth off your hands?

Withering away

Miles away

From Galilee.

Yahweh, my shoulders

Are to frail

To carry the weight of

The ones who ceased me to Dwell

In the Living.

They found it fit to place me in Hell.

Sheol, the abode of the dead

is the constant propaganda running in my head.

If.

If it hadn't been for you

Twisting up your words

I never would've left

And, I never could've heard

I wouldn't of touched his hand

I wouldn't of seen his face

I couldn't of been this happy

If you hadn't hurt me

In the first place

If it hadn't been for the crash

I couldn't of walked this far

I wouldn't of seen the lost

And, saved them from war

If I hadn't been seeking you

I could've died in peace

Thinking I might just need

A basic reassuring grace

If I hadn't read

The words

that spilled onto my heart

These accidental fates

Tearing me apart

Broken

am I

Betterment

I seek

Overflowing Mercy

Redeem

...

Rescue me

Amanda's Soliloquy

I'm afraid of what my posthumous state will be.

That all I'll strive for I won't get to see.

I'm marching against society.

Is this a nihilistic state?

The stars are dimming

And the core of my existence is dry.

This is all unraveling as I am standing by.

Angry, at myself

I cage me within.

Hoping that maybe

The ice won't be so thin.